For me, 2013 was not a good year. I had been headed in a bit of a
downward spiral starting in 2012 when some things had gone wrong. Then in February of 2013, my beloved horse died suddenly. That set me into a deep and lasting period of depression and withdrawal. Then, my neck issue started up again and this time it was worse than ever, leading to my surgery this year. However, of all those things, none compares to the ending of the best love of my life. While it was not my decision to end the relationship, and I know that I alone did not cause to the breakdown, I do regret that I didn't do more to open the channels of communication and work on my issues that might have led to a different ending. Nothing, and I do mean nothing, to this point has left me with such a sense of loss and regret as having my girlfriend of 4 years tell me that she was ending things. With therapy and time, I have been able to accept her decision and survive. Survival was very much not guaranteed for several months after the split. I can believe the scientific studies that have found how in some cases breakups can be like drug withdrawal, for I had many of the same types of symptoms. Now, most days are ok and some are even very good, but I still have moments, sometimes even full days, where the pain becomes very real again. There are some things you just know in life, and for me, I've no doubt that I lost the best love (not including family love) that can happen between two individuals. So for me, I wish: I had said I love you more. I had made more time to things with her. I had kissed her more often. I had spent more quiet moments just feeling the warmth of her presence. I had dealt with my hang-ups and doubts earlier. I had spoke more openly about what was going on under my façade. I had written to her of my deep-felt feelings. I had done all of the things I could to insure we were still together. None of it might have worked, but I would be left with less regret now. What do you regret? Comments are closed.
|
Archives
May 2023
Categories
All
|