He spoke to me with his eyes, soft and brown, a mixture of equal parts pride and pleading. He could only speak to me with his eyes because all I had of him was a picture. I couldn't get that look out of my eyes. I downloaded the picture to my computer. I would look at him again and again many times every day. I knew I needed him in my life. Was I ready though?
No, I hadn't seen a picture of my human soulmate, but it was a picture of my horse soulmate. The picture came from the CANTER (then West Viriginia) Mid-Atlantic site. I was getting ready to turn 30 and was feeling a huge hole in my soul. I had come to realize the previous year that part of my deep emptiness was that I had no horse in my life. I felt I was finally at a point financially that I could do right by a horse, so I had been looking that previous year, but had only seen one horse that piqued my interest When I called he had already been adopted. I was disappointed, but it turned out to be for a reason. The reason was Blue Blue Sea. The horse who spoke to my soul with his eyes. I had only clicked on his listing because he was a chestnut and he had Alysheba (ALYDAR) in his pedigree. It didn't hurt that he had Sea Hero, too, as I had been a fan for him in the 1993 run for the roses. Still, I had looked at other horses with Alydar's blood running through their veins and none of them were in my life. This one was different somehow. I have never felt a connection like that with any horse through just a picture. When I finally called, I was crestfallen to learn that there had been a lot of interest in him. They took my name, saying if I didn't hear back, it meant he had been sold. I kept his picture. I kept looking at it and wishing. I have no doubt that I would still have this picture if Blue Blue Sea had never come into my life. I went on with my life, looking at other horses, but always coming back to his picture. Two weeks later, I had all but given up on any chance of ever meeting Blue Blue Sea. To top it off, I had been sick the night before with an intestinal bug. I had spent most of that day in February sleeping and recovering. When the home phone rang, I almost didn't pick up, but I did check the caller ID. I recognized the name as the owner of the horse that had so captured my attention. I leapt to my feet and took the call. Blue Blue Sea had not sold. People had come to look at him but passed. I was going to meet him that Saturday! Friends told me - you know you will be bringing that horse home, right? I insisted I was only going to look, but my heart already knew they were right. Myself and another lady met him that Saturday. He was the horse we both wanted. I knew upon meeting him that the connection through the picture ran deep. The other woman could come right away with a trailer while I would need to make boarding and trailering arrangements. My heart sunk again, as I felt certain I would lose out on this horse who kept tugging at my heart. The owner met with both of us privately. He opted to sell Blue Blue Sea to me, even though I couldn't take him right away. My heart sang with joy. At the time, I wasn't overly aware of the deep spiritual nature of that connection, but looking back, I know that the Creator was at work here. I am a spiritual person. I do believe in a higher power, but I am not a disciple of any religion because I think we all have the story wrong, even me. We are after all, humans, and it's not in our nature to get things perfect. My connection to Blue Blue Sea started in that moment when I looked into those eyes in nothing more than a photograph. The fact that he didn't sell to any of the other many interested individuals is further proof. Even him going to me, who wasn't ready to bring him home, rather than the woman who was. I am sure she was a good individual and would make a great home for a horse, but the circumstances would not have been right for Blue Blue Sea, knowing his life story as I do now. I was the right home for Blue Blue Sea and he was the right horse for me. Many people told me as I struggled through another illness or issue with him that I saved his life or that he was lucky I owned him. That may be true, but my reply was and always will be, I was lucky to have him in my life. At a time when I was feeling lost and down, the perfect horse looked into my soul and saved me.
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I've had a lot of "dream" jobs in my life. Things I wanted to do and
pursue. Like most people, I didn't fall into any of those "dream" jobs. I guess at some point you realize that you don't fall into the a job. If you really want it, you have to plan for it, go for it and put in the hard long hours to make it happen. Many of those jobs could still be attainable under the battle cry of "Never too old!" Today, I am looking back on a career that I wanted from the time I was very young and that has now raced beyond my reach. I have had a passion for horses ever since I can recall. I would say I was born with it though I am certain that some of those of a scientific background would argue against that notion. Growing up in West Texas in the 1970s, I had plenty of horses that I could see on drives around the countryside and was even lucky enough sometimes to convince my mother to take me to one of the small time tracks in the area. Horse racing was enjoying one of its golden ages at the time, and those fabulously fast horses became my favorites. The first one I remember was Seattle Slew. He was born the same year I was and had such a will to never let anyone else pass him. To this day, he is one of my favorite racehorses. The next year would bring the love of my horseracing life into my world - Alydar. With the love and admiration of these horses, I grew to want to be a jockey. To sit on the back of a horse that flew around a track, unfettered by the commands of gravity still appeals to me to this day. There are lots of "reasons" why I didn't pursue that path, but I've come to learn as I have gotten older that the only real reason was myself. I let all the doubts and fears of pursuing such a path drown that dream of mine. Yes, I could go back and try to make a go of it. I am not that old yet; I am small in stature and in great shape. A few years back, I was even going to try to get a job as an exercise rider with the ultimate goal of riding in races. However, having come to learn of my cervical spine issues and just having had a multi-level spinal fusion, I have come to put that particular dream to rest. I am thankful for the experiences I have had with horse while I do have that scar of regret that I didn't do more to become a jockey, as I dreamed of doing all those years ago. That small voice of childhood still whispers that it must be one of the finest ways to spend a life, soaking up the smells and sights of the magnificent horses who fly without wings. I have learned now to not take as much for granted, but most especially have learned to not let myself get in the way of those things I want to do in life. I have already lost too much, not just my chance at a dream career, when I have let myself get in the way of the things that would make me the happiest. |
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