Samantha stopped the car a block away from the simple ranch home on Elm Way. She took in a breath and held it until forced to release it back into the ether. This house had been a familiar haunt of hers a mere five years ago, but now it stood before her like the gates of Hades. Nerves gnawed at Samantha's insides like rats on wood, trying to find a way inside, to the good stuff. She focused on breathing again. Would Jerome be there? Or would it just be his mother, judgmental and questioning?
In the end, it didn't matter too much either way. She had no idea what either choice would bring, and her confidence was draining out of her fast. If she was to follow through on this intention, she needed to act fast. In the five years since she had left Jerome, Samantha had turned to booze, empty sex and relationships that kept a roof over her head and food in her belly, but offered little in the way of feeding her soul. How foolish she had been at thirty to walk out on love like that between her and Jerome. A part of her deep down had known it all along, but she had only admitted it to herself in the last two years. When that happened, Samantha had begged her lover, a man twenty years her senior who paraded her around like his prize possession, for money to see a psychiatrist. "Honey pie, what you need is a baby," he had offered. "Why not? I have good genes to pass on to my heir." The idea of children had always been repugnant to Samantha, and it had ended more than one relationship she had been in since she left Jerome. Here, she used his desire to his advantage. "You might be right, George, you might be, but I need to work out a few things from my past first if I am going to make a good mother to our child." The old man had beamed at her seeming change of heart on the subject of children. He had always wanted a younger woman who looked good and would be fertile to make a son with, that's what had attracted him to his chestnut filly as he liked to call her. "Well then, of course! The sooner you get this worked out the better then we can move on to baby making." He had actually lifted her off the ground and that and spun her in the air a single time, all that his feeble back could handle. She had gone to therapy. At first, she didn't like it. She had doubts about going back, but slowly, as she opened up about more and more of the dark demons that had haunted her from childhood, she felt a weight lift off her shoulders. In front of George, she was careful to keep the progress slower than it moved because she didn't want to make a baby with him or anyone for that matter. Eventually, the discussions had turned to her romantic life. It was here that she had the hardest time working through the past, but for the first time in her life, she had worked through something and she took pride in that. Normally, when things got tough, you could count Samantha out. She looked for the easy ride, the quick fix, but not anymore. Her therapist had made her see that things that were worth having took work. That was when she realized she had done the same with her relationship with Jerome. Now that she could be dedicated enough to see it through the tough times, would Jerome still want her? Was he still even single? She wouldn't know unless she got out of the car and went to the house. This was another tough time. When that thought dawned on her, she opened the door and stepped out into the street.
2 Comments
SM
10/15/2014 09:56:37 pm
do this if you want to get better, write, you are good at it and it will get you over Alexa
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Dr. West
10/15/2014 11:25:01 pm
interested to see where this goes
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