Her hair once a red-gold that I could only call chestnut had turned the silvery-blonde that those with red hair always seemed to chose in defiance of the white that touched most of us. Wrinkles mapped the life she had led since we had last stood on this boardwalk when she told me that she was not happy and that she was leaving me with an empty apartment and a useless ring in my pocket.
Of all my memories on the boardwalk, those belonging to her kept me coming back. As fast as a speeding bullet, as fast as an airbag springs to save a life, as fast as a jet pierces the sky, a single memory of us unfolded. Of all the ones to select, my mind made the easiest association. Fifteen years old. Is there ever a more perfect and dreadful time of life? How long does it take a memory to unfurl in the breeze of the mind and take flight to full-blown escape?
I felt eyes on me, pulling me from the past into the present, just a sad old person sitting on a boardwalk bench trying to remember what life used to taste like when the flavors used to be sweeter. I glanced around searching for whose eyes would guiltily flee mine when they realized I knew they were staring. Still I saw no one, but my eyes settled on the balloon man's corner. Something had changed there, something was not like it usually was. It took a second or two before my mind puzzled out the problem. A child of four would have found it faster, their neurons firing at speeds a fighter jet couldn't match, but when you are old, nothing moves fast. A pair of feet peeked out from the mass of the balloons that were no longer tethered to the balloon man's stand. Presumably, the feet attached to a body that also attached to hands, the very hands that held the balloons captive. I had a moment of déjà vu, indescribable awareness that I had experienced this before, not exactly, but close enough. It could come, but those messengers in my mind fired as fast as they could without causing an overload They left me to stare in stupefied wonder at the dancing balls of red, green, blue and yellow. The breeze played with them, taunting me to remember the day, the place and the name. The scene rolled out in slow motion only for me. The hand released the hold on the strings. Andy The name appeared in my mind, and odd assortment of emotions drummed up at the name, and as the balloons lifted off to heavenly heights, the woman attached to the name stood before me. It's caught my scent again and is coming up on me fast.
Haven't been able to outrun it or keep it at bay. It's relentless, no pity or mercy and will outlast all who try to cross its path. It is here to stay. It's had me by the throat and tears out my heart. If it I could run away with my soul and take all the pain I would welcome it in and set about to make a new start. Instead it only gnaws away and I am driven insane. This time though, it underestimates me and I stand still. Like a rabid animal it charges and I stand still shotgun at ready. Tonight I say goodbye to the painful memories that chill my heart and soul are united, my courage is steady. Tonight I bid you adieu. Tonight I am |
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